you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
