he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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