I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
