I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
