Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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