Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
