so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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