And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
