My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Randomize
