but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
