Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
