you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
