Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
