No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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