im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Randomize
