I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
