I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
