dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
