I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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