He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
