if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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