Are we in a gay sports bar?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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