your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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