You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
