She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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