Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
