Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
