I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize