my vag is so smooth its legendary
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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