I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
