I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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