there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
