Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You took a bar mat shot.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
