I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
