new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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