..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
