Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
