I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
