Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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