3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
