You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
