You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
