I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
