Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i think i just lost a toe
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
