The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Green mimosas i think yes
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
