WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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