I'm going to jail i love you
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
