I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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