Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
