i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
