I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
