dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
